So I’ve been trying for about two weeks now to get my dadgum car inspected. Gumby became an illegitimate child on September 1 (although Nicholas informs me that there’s a six-day grace period or something, whatever). I took it on September 3 (a Monday) along with Janet and her child, Dino, and we went to Quicker Sticker. We waited for 15 minutes before they even got to my car. I paid them $14.50.

They failed me.

Dadgum jerks said my tinting was too dark. Yes, you read that right. They failed my poor, sweet, obedient Gumby because he has dark circles under his eyes, effectively. I know the feeling.

They told me that I had 15 days to get my windows retinted and they would put the sticker on there for free. Yer dadgum RIGHT you’ll put that stupid piece of sticky paper on there for free. I already paid yer stinky butts.

Anyway. I called my handy dandy trusty mechanic back in Austin, Ron, and he told me that I was better off just driving to Austin to the place where it always passed before to get it inspected, because tinting is apparently a hefty expense.

I was determined not to have to do that though. Some people had told me about another place to try and take it. So I tried one morning (after I rebelled and didn’t do anything about it for a week). I set my alarm for 7:30 (they open at 8), so I could go and get stuff done before my class at 11:10. I woke up at 11:20.

Strike one.

So a few days later (due to complications), Thursday, I went right after work. I got there at 5:30. This place doesn’t DO inspections. They recommended (can you guess?) Quicker Sticker.

Strike two.

I asked for another recommendation and explained my situation and they gave me the name PM Lube right down the road. I drove straight there, arriving at about 5:55. Their mechanics left at 5.

Strike three.

I talked to a nice man who was still there however, and I asked him flat out if they will pass my windows. He gave me a funny look and said, “Ma’am, we don’t even HAVE a machine to check window tinting.” Sweet. So yesterday (Tuesday) I dragged my wimpy and whiny butt outta bed and drove ALL the way over to the place in a light drizzle. I got out of my car and walked inside. The very nice man met me at the door and said, “You’re the one I talked to yesterday, right?” I agreed, and he said, “I’m sorry, we can’t do it today. It’s against the law to do it when it’s raining because we have to test your brakes.”

Strike four.

So I left, thinking that rain would be the best time to check my brakes, because that would probably be the time I would like least for them to fail. But whatever. By this point, I’m about 11 days overdue, and have managed not to get pulled over or ticketed yet. Don’t ask me how. I don’t know.

This morning (after staying up until about 3 am working on papers and projects) I woke up at about 9, got dressed, and drove over to the place again (eyeing the ominous clouds with righteous indignation, just DARING them to rain. Bring it, clouds). On the way (keep in mind I was tired) I stopped paying attention and all of a sudden there were pretty blue and red flights flashing angrily on the other side of the road. I watched as they swept around behind me and I pulled over into a parking lot. The policeman clocked me at 63 in a 45.

Whoops.

HA but you know what? And I’m laughing as I type this because I know that Janet hates me for this part. But what can I say? I got off with a warning and he didn’t even say anything about my WAY expired registration. LUCKY.

But whatever, I kept driving, got to the place, they took my sweet baby boy, PASSED HIM (whoop! He’s legit again!) and the guy came back inside where I was sitting. I paid, we chatted, and he told me stories about how he once got clocked 25 over the speed limit WITH AN OPEN CONTAINER, and still managed to avoid jail time (although he incurred a hefty - $1600 in fact - fine). He also drives around in a motorcycle a lot, and speeds quite handily, but he has a digital scrambler on his bike (muy illegal) that prevents radar guns from getting a read on him.

So pretty much he’s a classy individual. But for today, he’s the love of my freaking life, because he made an honest woman out of me and my baby.

Oh, and he told me he liked my t-shirt.