“The longer I live, the more I realize the impact of attitude on life. Attitude, to me, is more important than facts. It is more important than the past, the education, the money, than circumstances, than failure, than successes, than what other people think or say or do. It is more important than appearance, giftedness or skill. It will make or break a company… a church… a home. The remarkable thing is we have a choice everyday regarding the attitude we will embrace for that day. We cannot change our past… we cannot change the fact that people will act in a certain way. We cannot change the inevitable. The only thing we can do is play on the one string we have, and that is our attitude. I am convinced that life is 10% what happens to me and 90% of how I react to it. And so it is with you… we are in charge of our Attitudes.”

–Chuck Swindoll

I find myself on the “cusp of life” so to speak. I’m entering adulthood, and I’m trying to do so without being dragged, kicking and screaming. With at least a shred of my dignity. But it’s weird. I’m unsure. An adult? Strange beast. I like this quote because I think it really makes sense. I can’t stop time. I can’t stop growth or age. But I can and do react to it. My reaction to life dictates how I live that life. If that made sense.

I’m trying to get a full-time job for after May, and I’m hesitant to mention this since I don’t want to jinx it (sue me, I’m twelve), but it’s looking really promising. But with it comes a SLEW of things that threaten to take hold of my mind and never let go. Like a great intellectual filibuster. Just talking, talking, talking, and never saying anything.

I have to think about salary. I’ve never had a full-time job. People (people older than me, anyway), HOW DID YOU DO IT? This stuff is ridiculous. I don’t know what my salary needs to be. I’m looking for a new house, I’m getting a dog when I graduate, and I have to take into account bills, insurance, gas, if I’ll have roommates (at the moment it’s out of my hands which is INFURIATING), PTO (paid time off), benefits, the cost of said dog, rent. Bah.

Sometimes I feel like I’m handling it okay, but other times I have to fight the anxiety off with a stick in the form of a glass of wine and a book. I haven’t even graduated yet, but I’m making plans. Feels nice on the one hand, but feels like I’m getting ahead of myself on the other. I just don’t want to get behind. I’m just taking it one thing at a time, but I’m nervous that come Monday when I have to start school again (the hardest semester yet probably) that I’ll get bogged down and miss an opportunity staring me in the face. I don’t even think that made sense.

Anyway. I’m excited because I just got a new Flash project that carries an INCREDIBLE amount of pressure. It’s a presentation for the Chancellor’s Distinguished Council (or whatever- I forget what the name actually is), the filthy rich people who give money to the A_&_M System, including possibly my work. The Director’s presentation to these “chief high mucky mucks” (in the words of my mother) is what I’m designing and coding all by myself. Derek’s letting me take lead and I’m stoked. I have to set up all the meetings, design and get approval of the concept, and then actually create and code the thing. This is so exciting, but I’m pretty nervous that I’m going to have a nervous breakdown this semester since I have to finish it by the second-to-last week in February while in class. Timing has a way of sucking.

But in the words of Señor Chuck, I am in charge of my attitude. I right now, I choose to be happy and excited for the future and choose to revel in the adventure that is becoming an adult. It’s exciting and uncharted territory for me, and I refuse to let life beat it out of me quite yet. It’s the one string I have.